My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

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Pillow Talk | Foreplay's Afterplay

Pillow Talk | Foreplay's Afterplay

For ages, we couldn't get anyone to stop talking about the importance of foreplay because there was proof that it genuinely improved sexual experience- all that kissing and touching gets your heart racing and giddy, works up that apetite and primes your neighbors for the uncomfortable noises that follow.

Now it seems we maybe equally unable to keep anyone quiet about another step...pillow talk!

Pillow talk has been proven to save marriages and prolong life. I joke not.

What is pillow talk? According to the Cambridge dictionary, pillow talk is defined as a conversation between sexual partners in bed.

How easy is that? Just talk to each other right after! Well, these days, most people find out there is a third member involved in their sexual experience, preventing these intimate chats--cell phones. Hey, Instastories! 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but picking up your phone right after scoring, is not the most ideal way to build a romantically functional relationship. Does anyone say "scoring" anymore? Yes. Me.

According to Psychology Today, the acceptable process for any action that can be described as sex, should follow the following sequence: foreplay, penetration, intercourse, orgasm, pillow talk, maybe sleep. Usually in that order, no steps skipped and no cell phones, otherwise, what are you doing?

Each step is uniquely important, but pillow talk is now being researched extensively, as the importance of post-coital communication comes to light.

This study shows that people who pillow-talked after sex felt more secure and were happier. The average time for this effect was 15 minutes of pillow talk. The study showed also that if the time exceeded 15 minutes there was a even higher level of trust, security and relationship satisfaction reported. 

What's the science behind pillow talking? 

According to Professor Denn of the University of Connecticut, oxytocin, our favorite hormone (for obvious reasons) plays a huge role in facilitating pillow talk. Oxytocin is released when orgasm occurs (hence, obvious reason) and is known to trigger pro-social behaviors, making us happy and chatty, which most often results in pillow talk. Note, men are generally less chatty because testosterone dampens the effect of oxytocin but I can guarantee they will be more than happy to have pillow talks that are about more sex. Those crazy Martians. Tsk.

It's definitely worth noting that alcohol consumption also dampens the effect of oxytocin. It's like the ultimate anti-cuddle factor; so take it easy on the wine before sex. More pillow talk inhibitors are Instagram, sleep and kids... Side eye at all three. Kidding, love the kids. Nonetheless, they have to respect cuddle time.

So orgasm, check. Oxytocin, check. Pillow talk, check. Pillow talk is an important step. It should not be replaced by sleep or phone prodding. It improves relationships significantly because it's a rare form of intimate communication, which blends vulnerability in with trust and happiness. It leads to closeness, trust and relationship satisfaction, thanks to oxytocin, our bestie.

So instead of reaching over for your phone, let it charge for an extra 20 minutes. Let oxytocin do its work, Snapchat can wait. 


What are your thoughts on pillow talk? I'd really love to know! 

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