How to Relate with People with Walls (Hello, Jericho)
Ever so often, we run into people I call "Wallies"- people with walls; walls around their hearts, minds and thoughts and we try to be the valiant knights that blow those walls in with a canon ball.
Before you get all bombs-away on a "Wallie", remember that no one is born with walls. Walls are built from trauma resulting from bad experiences.
I used to be a Wallie and it was a means of providing the security I wanted for myself. Of course, my first line of defense was a permanent scowl, which worked quite nicely, until I met people who didn't care whether I scowled or not, they intended to talk to me anyway! *side glance*
Most walls are unconsciously built, while others are consciously built in a deliberate attempt to keep their internal environment controlled, I believe I was in both categories. I was so good at this wall-business that if anyone tried to reach into my space and obstruct my building process, I'd splatter some cement on their arm and build them along the wall. Hehe. Was it fun? Yeah! Was it lonely within those walls? Yeah, sometimes.
I remember meeting this Wallie, who I really wanted to be friends with but she had like a Jericho-type situation going on, and honestly, I wasn’t prepared to put in that much work or circle her walls 7 times till they fell down flat. I had hoped she would come out at her own time but she never did, plus, I had my own walls too. Two weird Wallies. Tsk.
By the time my walls crumbled, and I came to discover the world outside my walls, which was filled with opportunities to be sensitive to other people and their needs and to do good, she was gone.
From being a Wallie, I learnt to respect other people’s experiences by trying not to scale their walls unless I was invited. I also taught myself to put in a little more effort with other Wallies and retired Wallies!
It’s usually a good idea to respect the walls others have and not feel the need to draw them out by their hair, screaming. One day, on their own watch, they will step out or let you in, if you wait around.
What do you think about this? Are there times you think walls should be blown apart? If you have walls, what does it take for you let people in? I'd really love to hear your thoughts.
Have you read this post from our "Dating like Crazy" series? Our writer talks about dating with walls after a traumatic experience.
