My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

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The Best of Old Wives' Tales for New wives

For ages, people have come up with deeply erroneous marriage advice, that if you ask me, might just be one of the reasons for the high divorce rates out there. 

This is a list of rules that have gone round for so long and no one has called them out.  Well, this is why I am here. To call stuff out!  If this is what marriage is, well no wonder people are so unhappy. I tried a couple of them while I was dating.....extremely poor results, I tell you. It's like the wrong twin of the "pre-nuptial hunt" post (read here). 

As you read this list, remember to read it out loud in the theatrical way you know it would be said, complete with your hands on your waist. O, yeah and grunt occasionally. 
Here goes!
Have a wonderful weekend!

#1 If you don't train your husband, he will misbehave  
My all-time favorite! If I have to train him, a full-grown man complete with a beard, then I am of all women, most silly. 
 But the main question is this.................... "Is he a goat?"

#2 If you inspect and scrutinize  his messages, emails and bank statements you will catch the slightest whiff of infidelity 

This will eventually result in you in the hospital with a ventilator. And a defibrillator for good measure. 

#3 If you keep him out of the kitchen, he will be more of a man 
Why?! I've come to find that my husband has really great ideas in the kitchen. Why should his place be permanently in front of the TV?

#4 If you lock him out of the house when he comes home late, he will never do it again 
This I heard from someone who had tried it. No comment. 

#5 If you fight fire with fire, he will know that he didn't marry a pushover
This has gotten old. I'd rather knit a fluorescent green sweater with purple chest balls, than spend all our breathing, living hours on fights and trying to prove tough. #busyschedule #Feistyfionadoesntwriteitself

#6 Be wary of his family, otherwise, they will turn him against you and you won't even know  (lol!)
In-law paranoia is completely understandable when you are dodgy yourself. With love and kindness is the only way to treat the family of the man you love. 

#7 If you don't wear "iro and buba" and "up and down", how will they know you are even married? 
 First, of all who is "they"?
 Second, who cares what they think?
 Third, I see you wearing these recommendations...how are those working out for you?  

#8 If he cheats, it's ok, they all do it, at least once (make sure he always has a condom in his wallet, so he doesn't pass something to you) 
Some might argue that this is wisdom and some might not argue at all and just sip tea.

#9 If he doesn't make you happy, just take care of your children, when they are older, focus on the grandchildren 

This could easily be rephrased as "Wait for him to die".

#10 If you make your husband your hobby, you will feel accomplished
Be your own individual, that's what i'd say. He didn't fall in love with you because he was your hobby.

#11 If you feed him till he's fat, other girls won't be attracted to him
Lol. I heard this from someone who was trying it out. Newsflash...some girls are into fat-sugar-daddy-type men. Hehe. 

Do you know any old wives tales?! Drop them below!!!

1: The Tale of the Gidi Prince (Inspired by True Life Events)

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