My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

I blog about Relationships, God and Style!

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Letters to my Greatgrand daughter: Love right

Dear Charly,

I dated a few. Some good and some bad, some you’d cringe. Your great grandpa is a real man and that’s what you need to keep your eyes peeled back for. How did I find him? O wow, he was seriously buried in a haystack! He walked out of the haystack and came to me, that’s how I found him. He was looking for something. Your man needs to be looking for you, and when I mean you, I mean you; not your vagina. Sometimes, they aren't looking at all and they “stumble on you”. If he uses that expression when describing how he met you, he still has a lot of learning to catch up on.

First let’s state the obvious. If he is violent and he is hitting you, I should come down and hit you over the head myself. End it.

If he’s cheating and you are still dating, you can’t change him. God can but you can’t.There is nothing there for you.Move on swiftly. 

If he is having a rough time getting on his feet. Observe. Don’t be eager to give money all the time. Watch if he wants to actually make something out of himself. If he doesn't, please fade away. If he really just needs a break, support him, encourage him, be there.

If you don’t know what he does for a living and he buys you gifts, please find out what he does. If he hides his profession, he is either a secret agent or a future prisoner. Make your decision, wisely. Nothing abrupt, but swiftly and skilfully.

Don’t be enthralled by a wealthy man. His clothes, his car, his perfume (beware of that), his grooming. Stop gaping at what your friend’s boyfriend bought her. Make your own money and tell your friend to also. Don't wait around to be sponsored. When you are out on a date, be able to pay. I had the worst experience once; the guy couldn't pay and neither could I! I reiterate, Charly; have the ability to pay the bill.

Do not be sentimental about choosing a man. Keep your eyes open. Keep your thighs shut and your brain working. If you must, kiss him, but be a damn good kisser. Your ancestors were good kissers. In fact, I am known for eight hour kissing marathons *wink*. Don’t kiss and tell. Kiss and let them tell...of your prowess. Keep your brain working when you kiss, be aware of where his hands are every second (guy hands; the only thing faster than light).

Make dating fun. It’s like traveling. You explore new people. Inevitably, you learn from them, if not from the guys, from the experience. Make it a rich experience by dating interesting men. By interesting I don’t mean odd. He should make you laugh. He should intrigue you. He should entertain you. He must respect you. He must have substance and depth. He must read and be curious. Make sure you intrigue his soul. Make sure you enchant him. Be witty, be mysterious.

Every relationship changes you, but make sure it’s for the wiser. Learn to deal with heart breaks, don’t sink into a tub of ice-cream. I promise you, you will run into your ex at the most random place, sporting new love handles and some pounds here and there to show. Please don’t drown in a bottle either, you will end up calling him or showing up at his door one night. Drunkenness is not attractive and it won’t end well. I've tried it. Get a new hobby, get a pet, get a new lamp, heck, a plant to talk to. Don’t be tempted to grovel, calcify that spine!!!

Finally, please my dear, do not get chained down in a relationship in which you are not the object of mesmerization. If he is not intrigued every minute of every day he's around you, please send him on his way. You were designed to be adored. Look at yourself and repeat it to yourself in the mirror. Write it on that mirror , on 12 sticky-notes and paste in your car (or hovercraft) , your desk, your fridge. Write it in lipstick, pen and pencil.  Slap 'em here. Slap 'em there. Once again say it to yourself.

'I was designed to be adored.'

I love you deeply.

Great gran x


Letters to my greatgrand daughter: Sexual Dividends

The Post-nuptial let-go