In relationships, there are good "Kabooms" and there are bad "Kabooms". This post aims to point out 5 bad-kaboom triggers that could cause a relationship to go desperately wrong. They may seem trivial and the big deal may be questioned. However, the presence of these habits in a relationship implies that the relationship needs a little work, as do all relationships, that we may all attain the good kaboom (fireworks) *grin*
Bad Kaboom Triggers
1. Hanging up the phone
Someone recently asked me if it was OK for a person's significant other to make a habit of hanging up the phone in anger.
Yes, it is...if your significant other is 12 years old.
Adult relationships require a lot more than hanging up to prove a point or to show displeasure. The last time I hung up on someone was a while back but still I'm sure Elmo was disappointed.
Action: If you can't deal with the conversation at that moment, simply state that you are upset, would need some alone-timeand excuse yourself.
2. Cussing out (privately or publicly)
Except cussing out is a huge turn-on or a value-adding activity for a couple, it's probably best not to. Berating your significant other, in front of other people isn't cool at all. It shows a lack of respect and drops you down everyone's hangout list. "Not inviting those guys to dinner anytime soon."
Action: Get on everyone's guest list by postponing the resolution of your misunderstanding to a later time when you are both alone.
3. Talking about your problems to other people
Here's the gist and I hope you'll agree: Anyone who will not be present after the disagreement, at the "make-up make-out" session should not be involved in any step of the disagreement either. Third parties shouldn't be in your relationship's business, neither should you run to them when stuff gets weird.
Action: Talk to the only other people involved in this spat- God and your partner
4. Running to mummy every time something goes wrong
My mum also believes in the 'make-up make-out' rule. Why run to mum when mum has her own make-out schedule to keep?! Figure it out, child!
5. Not listening
This is not the same as zoning out, although they have the same results. Not listening doesn't mean you aren't present mentally during the conversation but it means you aren't reading between the lines and trying to understand what S.O is saying. Half of the things we try to say never get said. They instead come out in weird blurts and verbal squirts that convey less meaning than they actually imply.
Paying rapt attention to S.O and understanding what's being said helps the quality of a relationship a lot! I've come to notice that on the days I pay attention to what Ed is really saying, I almost always get a "I'm so good at decoding and decrypting, I should be employed by the CIA" feeling!
Action: Read between the lines.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Are there times that it's absolutely necessary to talk to someone about relationship problems? Are there any more habits you think could make relationships go wrong?
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A feeling gnawed at me—the strange feeling that the day would end in chaos or at least end in a state akin. I had deleted the video from Leke’s phone. The pastors were on their way.
Why were they coming? Had they seen the video?....
I waited for the storm, but it never came.
Leke came home, a tired smile on his face as usual. He asked about my day. I had nothing to say. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and the dryness tickled my throat. He smiled, planted a kiss on my forehead and headed into the bathroom to take a shower.
Once the water started running, I scrambled into the room, searching through his discarded clothes. It wasn’t there. It wasn’t under the bed either or in the wardrobe.
Where was it?
Imagine God promises you something, anything. Let's say... hair. He promises you hair because you are going bald and you’ve refused to eat for two days because of this. So he says, “Behold, my balding child!” In His earth-quaking voice, “I am going to give you hair, and fill up those bald spots! In fact, I’m going to give you a full head of hair; hair that’ll make Jon Snow weep!”
What do you think is going to happen?
When I was growing up I was determined to end up with the first person I dated. My only sister married her first official boyfriend, so hey, I wasn’t trying to drift too far from that. Get it right the first time, babe. I'd tell myself.
So I met my first boyfriend...
I met Jare at Fitness and Soul—the new neighborhood gym. It was a Tuesday evening, a day before Leke and I would mark our fourth year anniversary. I had walked into Fitness and Soul for the first time, completed my registration forms, received my free heart rate monitor and paid an exorbitant fee. The heart rate monitor wasn’t so free after all. I decided on an equipment that looked like an escalator. My thighs started burning almost immediately, my heart fighting not to fall out of my chest. When I was sure my calves would fall out under my knees, I got off the machine. Panting and out of breath, I checked my watch. 6 minutes—that would have to do...
I held on to the headrest of the keke napep driver, as he fell into as many potholes he could wiggle us into. Another five minutes of this pothole-plunging, and I'd be at work. Every other minute, the woman who sat next to me--dressed in the ankara iro and buba, and a matching head-tie towering on her head in a messy, rushed do--would slap the headrest. “Slow down. Napep. Slow down."
The young man seated in front groaned in solidarity. I had hoped for a short nap in the napep.
"Ani, slow down!" The woman slapped the headrest again.
That nap was not to be. I stifled a yawn and let the tears tease out of my kajaled eyelids and mascaraed lashes, careful not to rub my eyes into a vampire eye make-up smudge. I had hardly slept a wink; and by the time Leke got into bed, I realized I was still awake.
Someone had seen us.
Jare and I.
I tightened my grip on the headrest and my free hand poked my phone screen with its thumb. Calling JRK. Jare's phone rang out through my ear plugs. My ninth call.
“We don reach.” The driver called above the rumbling engine. His bony arms maneuvered the napep to a stop.
I unfolded myself out of the three-wheeled wagon, paid the driver and proceeded towards the tall, blue glass building which was Jade Towers, and which housed on the sixth and seventh floor Theta Communications, my place of employment for the last eight years. Just then my phone buzzed in my bag.
My heart skipped a bit. Jare...
We’ve all met a few people in our lives that really deserve to be left on the other side of the pond…permanently. No communication, no contact. Just simply severed off from our lives. I’ve always believed in burning bridges, especially when the person has messed up on a grand scale, grand enough for me to applause this offense as epic.
In my defense, I do give a considerably long rope; I consider strike one, a human failing. I consider strike two, a one-off; strike three...