My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

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How to make your Sex schedule feel less scheduled!

How to make your Sex schedule feel less scheduled!

"Argh! It's sex night", My friend grumbled. I looked at her strangely. I wasn't married at the time and I wondered why she sounded so disappointed. Even more odd, was the term "sex night". What's a "sex night"? I decided to opt for a literary interpretation and stared at her blankly. "Duh, of course it's "sex night" ", I responded, "Every night should be sex night."


It was then, for the first time, that the concept of the "sex schedule" was explained to me- 3 times a week, tired or not, kids asleep preferably and a glass of red. Lie there long enough, someone gives up, both resort to cuddling. Lights out, snore. Dream of mystical creatures and shopping malls.

I'm kidding, she didn't say any of that. She stopped at "3 times a week, tired or not, kids preferably asleep". It sounded very dreary, still.

Wherever her husband was, I was very sure he wasn't moaning and complaining that it was sex-night later. He probably clicked his heels in a leap as he went to the water dispenser and had a mariachi band playing in the corner of his office.

Women tend to be the main barrier to sex, this is because we believe mental stimulation should precede physical stimulation, that is, we have to be in "the mood" or nothing is going to happen. However, most women report enjoying sex, even if they started out uninterested at first. It's weird, I know. According to Michele Weiner Davies, the author of Sex-Starved Marriage, women shouldn't wait for fireworks but work with the embers! How insightful. She also recommends figuring out what gets you in the mood, otherwise you'll just lie there like a cranky fish, thinking about the oatmeal bagels and French vanilla hot chocolate you plan to have for breakfast. 

So anyway, I figured I'd do some research on ways to make scheduled sex feel less so.  Here's what I found:

Buy new steamy underwear

Buy some precious little's, just in time for sex-night! Recommended by marital and sex therapists!


Learn to take time out for yourself. Do something that gets you to relax at least once a day. Stress is sex's worst enemy.

No more Vampire-sex

For some reason, married people have sex mostly after dark like night creatures. *Rme* Try some sunlight! 

Play some music

Let's just say, something to drown out all that creaking. Try some Sade, Joe or a sexy playlist in your favorite music app!

Redecorate and tidy

Our minds love the thrill of new things, which is why your Amazon shopping cart is always full. Try redecorating your bedroom and if you are on a budget, move things around, reshuffle your bedroom  furniture, that also gives a sense of newness. Remember to change your sheets and pick up the stray, mood-killing socks strewn around.

Venue change

Ahem...your bedroom could use a break. Try some other locations within  your home! Where exactly? That's completely up to you. Creativity meets improvisation! Plus suggestions here. Not too sure about the backyard.

Skip a rest day

If you usually work with 3 days a week, how about throwing in a fourth day- just because! Impulsive and spontaneous is what makes planned sex feel less planned. Do something he's not expecting!

Think about the rendezvous during the day

This would qualify as mental stimulation. Of course, don't get lost in the daydream during a staff meeting. Save the starry eyes for later! 

Love after Cardio

Scheduling sex after a good work out might work wonders. Exercise causes a release of energy which can be profitably channeled- for our purposes*grin*

Meet him half way

Don't wait to get "in the mood", we might as well be waiting for world peace, aye? Work with the embers!

What are your thoughts? Any suggestions to reinvigorate scheduled sex night day?





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