My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

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Side-chic Rehab: How to Slay that Heartbreak

Side-chic Rehab: How to Slay that Heartbreak


This one is for the side-chics.

The ones who took the brave leap of partition and said 'I'm done with this ish', and bravely broke up with that predatory man who constantly chose someone else over them.

Congratulations!!! No one has probably told you and you may not feel it just yet, but you did the right thing by breaking up with him! You saved everyone a lot of misfortune including yourself, you do not want to be on a scorned wife's to-do list, trust me. It only ever results in undignified cat fights or sometimes, more hazardous encounters. Here are some tips to help through your transition. I hope it helps:


It probably hurts as much as any breakup, so it's great to cry. Cry all month or year, if you want. I hope you have a friend who knows the whole story and is willing to be there for you, without rolling her eyes as she hands you the tissues. However, keep in mind that side-chics receive little or no sympathy from people, so don't expect any.

Forgive yourself

You have come to the decision either by your own volition or by coercion, understanding that living without him is ideal, that shows a lot of courage. If for a long time, you have hated yourself for it, it's time to forgive yourself and let it go. Lesson learnt moving on.

Forget closure

Closure is over-rated, don't bother trying to find out why he did it or why he wouldn't leave his wife for you. Don't try to reach out to his wife either. No, sending her an apology is not a good idea. It was never between you and her. They are a unit, regardless of what he said about her. She doesn't need closure from you. If she needs closure, she will get it from his apology or whatever way they sort their issues out.

Just retreat and lick your wounds (for all eternity, that expression would always sound gross). The great thing about life is that licking your wounds is not as gloomy as it sounds. You could amuse yourself with a purchase or travel somewhere by yourself, eat some exotic street food on the upbeat streets of Marrakech or some fine dining at L'Ambroisie, umm or at home on a paper plate.

If you are on a budget, you are in luck! Read here for budget/heart break tips.

Now to the fun part!!!!! His gifts. What to do?

So now that you are out of the relationship, it's time to give out that Cartier watch and the Marco Bicego necklace. I know we all want to keep the stuff, right, but items have a way of reminding us of every moment and shared breath. You really want to give them out. If you are considering burning them, especially the car,  consider other options (no point being dramatic and ruining the ozone). Find someone who is sorely in need. Hopefully someone you don't see too often and just hand them over.

No one ever takes this advice lol so it's ok if you just hid your Ferragamo purse in the back of your drawer when you read this tip.

Time to rebuild those bridges

It's time to get in touch with all the people you broke ties with because they wouldn't support your side-chic status; mum, siblings, friends etc. Try spending time around friends and also people who are in need or hurting and find ways to bring them joy.

Come to mama, fishes in the sea

Get out there! The good news is there are oodles of men on the planet. The better news is there a specific guy for you out there who is currently unattached! The bad news is he might be buried in a haystack. Here's a post that could help with finding him!

Acquire some good judgement

Good judgement and prudence will do you a world of good. It definitely will prevent you from making the same mistake twice! How do you acquire good judgement? The best sources are self-improvement books. Just google "Books on good judgement"  or just download a bible! That works. Note that it's a continuous process and requires practice.

Remember to do something meaningful for people around you. Being more sensitive to the needs of others is the best way to deal with pain within.

What to do with your libido?

I wish I knew. If you weren't having sex with him, well, great, it usually takes a lesser time to get over a man you weren't sleeping with. If you were, it might be time to find three hobbies. Why three? Well, one active, one semi-docile like painting or beading or sewing and one in your community which involves helping people. You might also want to avoid risqué material. Just saying.

Side chicks are forever despised by society and the recovering ones need a place to go. Pagesbyike is your go-to! We take everyone contrite❤️ .

Any advice for retired side-chics? If this helped you, please comment below. You can be anonymous if you want. Just sign in and fill in 'Anonymous' as your name! Are you considering dumping a guy who has you on the side, we can help!

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