My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

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Amusing Conversation with my 70 Year Old Male Friend + Postpartum Snap-back tips

Amusing Conversation with my 70 Year Old Male Friend + Postpartum Snap-back tips

My days are never lacking in hilarious thought-provoking conversations. There was that time, mum and I talked about kissing bearded guys; and that time when my 7-year old nephew and I talked about paddling to the Caribbean on a human raft. This post is about a conversation that ensued between my ~70 year old caucasian male friend and I. He is very amusing. Honestly, children and older people get away with saying anything! 

Friend:  African women are so beautiful. Great physiques.

Me: *feigning modesty graciously*

Friend: There's just one problem

Me: What?

Friend: Once you have a baby, you never go back to the way you were

Me: So not true! 

Friend: *not buying it* You know you'll blow up after your first child

Me: Haha! Well, I have to work to get back. Blame it on water retention and extra fat from pregnancy.

Friend: I dated a girl from Zimbabwe, you know. Beautiful girl. After one child... Boom!

Friend: Saddest thing is, they don't even get any in the boobs! Everywhere else, but not there!

Friend: I love shapey petite women. African women look so beautiful...then after the first child...White women, they go right back.

Me: I know, right? *quirky comebacks severely elusive after boob comment* 

Friend: When you have your first child, you need to work at it, Ok? Promise me. Go back to how you were.

Me: OK. I promise 

Cringe. There I go making promises that I now have to keep. This conversation really got me thinking, because my friend has promised to laugh at me when the time comes. Smh. Below are a few things I found on preventing water retention and some snap-back-into-shape tips. I'm keeping them here as a reminder.  

Snap Back Tips

1. Gain the recommended weight (~25-35 pounds/11-15 kg*)

2. Getting your weight back depends on your habits before and during pregnancy. Develop healthy habits that transition smoothly (somewhat smoothly) into pregnancy. I have pregnant women in my Zumba class

3. Gain healthy weight. Snack on fruits, vegetables. (My cousin says she ate a lot of carrots when she got hungry between meals)

4. Breastfeed

Preventing Water Retention

1. Drink a lot of fluids (like your life and sexiness depends on it)

2. Reduce salt intake

3. Stay out of the heat

4. Avoid standing for too long

5. Eat juicy fruits

6. Recruit impregnator for massage duties

If you are a mum or have any information about snapping right back after kids, please share your knowledge. You would be helping someone and you would be rescuing me from this wager. If snapping back is still project for you, please share your milestones! Power to you!

*Recommended Weight breakdown

Baby: 7.5 lb (3.4 kg) Enlarged Uterus: 2.0 lbs (0.9 kg) ; Placenta 1.5 lb (0.7 kg); Amniotic fluid 2.0 lb (0.9 kg); Breast enlargement 2.0 lbs (0.9 kg); Extra blood & fluid volume 8.0 lbs (3.6 kg) ; Extra fat reserves 7.0 lbs (3 kg)  

Source recommends that extra fat reserves should be controlled, because it's the only weight-gain factor than can be safely manipulated. 


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