"The 7-Step Plan to Get a Good Man" by Naomi Elimelech
No offense to Ruth's Ex, but Boaz might be the dreamiest, most distinguished guy in the entire Bible. Read the 4 chapters of the book of Ruth, you will have a crush on him for days! I have only good words for Boaz. He was a real stand-up guy. A good guy. Of course, we found scientific proof in this post that women tend to walk all over good guys and love bad guys instead. Unfortunately but fortunately, bad boys go out of style. As women get older, they forget that bad-boys-are-so-steamy nonesense and want the real deal. Boaz was the realest deal.
What made Boaz so dreamy? He was mature, you could tell from his character; the way he conducted himself and treated others. He saw her heart and the good in it and he commended her for it; he had excellent work ethics and prayed for his workers, which is starkly different from Nabal's work ethics; Boaz noticed Ruth; he blessed her; he cared about her reputation, even when she did something a little "brazen"*insert whistle*, he honored her; he physically served her some food (he won me here); he was a provider, finally, (and this was what killed it), he waited for her. We all know that delayed gratification is the sexiest symbol of strength. He waited until all the legal, cultural, familial, social, societal protocols were complete before all the furniture-shifting making-out started.
Anyway, Naomi's jaw dropped when she heard Ruth had kinda landed Boaz. The dream-boat of the town! Quickly, she came up with this crazy idea to make sure Ruth had him good, which you probably should not try in these modern times. Lol. Mark my words, if you do, he will get creeped out and he will call the police. So let's figure out together, what would Naomi's "gettagoodman" plan look like in this modern day? You can find it in Ruth 3:3-4. Here goes:
Step 1: "Wash"
Present day interpretation: Umm...wash. Wash is still the same today, as it was in 1365 BC. Hygiene has to be tip-top. No negotiation.
Step 2: "...Put on perfume..."
Present day interpretation: Don't smell good. Smell really good! Let him know you don't smell like farm and barley, or like coffee and printer ink all day long. Engage his sense of smell. By the way, I have a theory** about the role of perfume in this "gettagoodman" scheme, so keep reading.
Step 3: "...Get dressed in your best clothes..."
Present day interpretation: Always look your best (not someone else's best but look your own best). 10/10 all day, everyday. Engage his sense of vision. Make the effort, use the amount of makeup you are comfortable with. After getting ready, ask yourself, "Is this the best I can do for me?"
Step 4: "...Then go down to the threshing floor..."
Present day interpretation: Go out to the places you expect your dream man to be.
Step 5: "...But donʼt let him know you are there, until he has finished eating and drinking."
Present day interpretation: Don't be too available. Don't like all his photos and reply all his snaps. Don't go to his apartment every weekend! Also apparently, wining and dining seems to precede romance. *shrug* Somethings never change.
Step 6: "When he lies down, note the place where he is lying..."
Present day interpretation: Be observant, watch him. Cyber-stalk him. Muhaha. Stalk with stealth though. See past the glitz and have a good perception of who he really is.
Step 7: "...Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."
Present-day interpretation: Whao. This is my favorite part of it, and also is the bit that could get you arrested, if try out this stunt today. Sneaking into a guy's bedroom unannounced and bothering his toes. Federal offense. I'm guessing it was a thing in their culture. Uncover his feet in this day would mean make him uncomfortable, not in a bad way. Sometimes, men need to be nudged to see Ruth. Does anyone one know any practical ways to nudge? Lol!
Once you've done all 6 steps, the 7th step is entirely up to him. If he doesn't get what's going on after all 6 steps, then he is probably married or really, really, really isn't into you. And that is the part where you move on.
In Sunday school, Mary was the saint, Esther was the Queen and Ruth was the desperado. Now, I see she really wasn't. She was just following the careful, wise instruction of an older woman, who knew the culture and knew the kind of man Boaz was; a man who wouldn't take advantage of a vulnerable person. Naomi's advice in a nut shell is this: once you've done your homework and you realize he's a great guy, engage him with the right amount of proactivity, not too much. Don't be in his face all the time. Look and smell very good always, make sure he can't put you in his friends' zone and remember to remain enshrouded in mystery, it'll drive him crazy.
*walks out of tent*
My "gettagoodman" perfume theory
**The sense of smell is controlled by the frontal lobe, the same portion of the brain that controls speech, concentration, movement/motor function and emotional reactions. When he gets a good whiff of you, chances are that you are about to turn him into a blubbering, distracted, paralyzed, emotional wreck, which is great! Lol. It's only temporary anyway. The sense of smell directly influences emotional responses and, concentration which is a major "gettagoodman" hack. Esther, during her year-long beauty program, spent 6 months in a special perfume application program! Perfume is important. Nothing more to say.
Here is another post that describes techniques to catch fish...and by fish we mean good guys! What are your thoughts on Naomi's "Gettagoodman" plan?! Do you know any practical ways to make him uncomfortable enough to make the move?