The world was a large place arranged in order by the careful and deliberate actions of the creator. Now, in the begining, he made man and woman. It was a pair (a him-her kinda project). Things were good, strolls were taken naked and everything was just plain organic and airy.
Then came the serpent; suddenly, "him" and "her" ate a fruit, everything went south, disorder took over, lions began to eat us for lunch, couture was born and most importantly, side-chics appeared.
Since the appearance of side-chics (a.k.a boo-poachers, a.k.a bae-predators), everyone has gone crazy and back trying to understand the best way to deal with this societal dysfunction. These days women look over their shoulders and skitter around like mice, looking through baes' phone, emails, bank statements, checking for the slightest semblance of infidelity, eyeing him suspiciously as he chuckles at his phone....all......because....... of....... one........ fruit.
These poachers are everywhere, just last month in fact, at a funeral, some lady found Ed quite remarkable and whispered, "Hey, dark hot chocolate" as she passed by him. Ha! All over, I tell you, in crevices and cracks, hanging off the walls and slithering through grocery stores and even funerals!
Have no fear though! Once again, we have science to thank for another relationship hack. A couple of months back i stumbled on a study from the University of Minnesota which discussed a discovery of the ultimate territory marking ingredient! Imagine if it works, we might be on the verge of solving an ancient disturbingly habitual social impairment.
So what is it? What is this salt that wards away the vampire?
Handbags. Two words actually.
Studies show that the display of luxury items ward off potential bae-predators. Hmmm.
They discovered that women who carry designer bags or shoes come off to relationship-hyenas as stable, as well as having loving devoted partners!
These affair-friendly females reported that they would think twice before pursuing a man who was on a date with a woman with luxury accessories! It didn't even matter if they were told that the luxury item was bought by the woman herself and not the man. They just believed the man had something to do with the provision of these items and believe when a man buys expensive things for his significant other, it means he is vested in the relationship. It's a double whammy, new bags 😍 and territory marking.
Nevertheless, luxury bags probably aren't a sustainable solution. Imagine you invest in a pricey item based on this post and for the first few years, you go everywhere with this bag and bae; what if you can't buy anymore of these expensive bags and the predator sees you 15 years later with the same now-weathered bag, all thread bare and stressed, she'd probably figure out it was just a poor front that she should have ignored 15 years ago. Predator-mode activated!
Therefore, instead of lugging around the 15 year-old hustle-satchel, here's a more sustainable way; ensure your relationship has the highest standard of love, friendship, transparency, communication, honesty and of course, a handbag fund.
What are your thoughts? Anyone finding bae chocolatey? What really is this world coming to (rhetoric question, except you have an answer!)