My name is Ike. I am a writer. I drink way too much herbal tea and believe in the power of kindness, love and a good book.

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5 Tips to Consider when Catching Fish (and by fish, we mean a guy)

Imagine coming out of the worst relationship in the history of relationships. Maybe you ended it voluntarily or you were 'involuntarily dislodged' (aka dumped), you are a little sad and angry but generally relieved. People come up to you, console you, they slap you on the back and say how there are many fish in the sea, a plethora of opportunities; clown fish, gold fish, snappers, the striped ones (can't remember what they are called), those shiny ones, the scaly ones. They say "No worries! There are 28000 species of fish, if you take out the Sharks , we still have more than 26000 species to work with still!"

I feel as if at this point I have over-explained the technicality of β€œfish in the sea.” You get my point though, you leave a dyfunctional relationship and jump off the ledge into the sea of singlessness expecting to be surrounded by all these amazing, hot fish but it's all silent on the sea floor. Then....oh! you see a fish! You try to get his attention,  but instead attract the attention of his unfriendly spouse; a menacing snapper. "Well", you think to yourself, "the world is a sea, there will be fish for me." At this point, I should state explicitly that fish will be synonymous with a guy in this post.

Where are all the guys? This promised bliss and plethora of options seems a little inconsistent with the situation at hand. For some reason, all that's available for now are your ex (sea weed) and loads of married people (sea anemone). What happened to all the fish?!!

Well, the fish are all in there. Right there! I'm sure it doesn't help either when someone who got out a relationship like you suddenly gets a new fish. People never tell their fishing secrets! Even at the market, fish show up, placed on ice or filleted and sealed in a plastic bag, there's so much they don't tell you at the market or on the packet about the process of catching fish, likewise, there's loads of stuff happy couples don't tell you about the process of catching fish, but you know how I like to be the teller so, these are my observations on the fish scarcity and five tips on being a bit more strategic with fishing using real fishing methods:

Remember, everyone is looking for a different kind of fish and all methods are different. So this may or may not apply to your fishing endeavours. Here we go......

1. Patience! 

I live in one of those places where the lake freezes over and people drill holes in the frozen lake, sit on little buckets/stools and fish...for hours, in the cold, cold, o-so cold air. I watch these guys fish from the comfort of my car (naturally) and admire their tenacity. They sit, resolute, for quite a long time. Most amazingly, sometimes, they catch a fish and if the fish isn't situable for their needs(e.g too small), they put them back! So after sitting in the cold for ages, I finally get a tug on my line or in our case a guy decides to ask me out, a guy that actually likes me and then I choose to let him off the hook? Why in God's blessed world would I do that? Well, because that's not what the fisherman wants or requires. How quickly do we settle for less, when we are pressured by the environment and the harsh nagging voice of society to be engaged before 24. Not every tug on the line is The right Fish. True, everyone is getting married but they probably didn't marry the first fish they caught. Which makes it necessary to know what exactly it is you want in a fish. Yup, have some fishing standard. 

3rd fish, first row...hell-to-tha-naw, to the no no no 🎀 LOL!

3rd fish, first row...hell-to-tha-naw, to the no no no 🎀 LOL!

2. Know thy fish

So do you want a fish with muscles, a fish that likes to karaoke in his spare time, a fish who likes to walk on the beach, a church fish, a fun fish, a geek fish(the best!), a dimpled fish, a shy fish. Great, you know what you want. Specificity helps direction and technique.

To be honest, I didn't know specifically what kind of fish I wanted but I definitely wanted a God-loving, honest, fun and wise fish. I left the details to God. Awesome thing about God, all other things are usually added when you leave stuff to him but first, basic specifications.

 3. Habitat (I)

Fishermen do alot more than catching fish when out on the lake. They actually stop for a moment and get acquitainted with the habitat, they take in the environment, enjoy it or at least they try to. Key word being, TRY. Enjoy being single.  Married people never tell you but sometimes, just for a milli-second in the middle of a hot stressful Wednesday afternoon with their spouse upset on the other side of the phone, they reminisce about the days they were single and stare ruefully into the horizon. So enjoy the environment and your status while you fish! 

Habitat (II)

Also understand the habitat of the kind of fish you want. If your kind of fish likes to hang around karaoke bars, well, you know where to set up your tent...and I think I have unintentionally set you up as a stalker. Lol. No stalking, no tents; all figures of speech.

4. Bait Right

While there is no creepy-less way to say this, it's important to bait your fish by attracting the attention of the kind of fish you want.  Types of baits: Appearance, Body language, Crew(as in friends/crowd), Location. Dress to attract what you want, polish your body language. Your friends and your regular locations are a pretty strong indication of who you are.

Then, values; your most priced bait. Whatever values you have have the ability to scare fish away or make them linger and eye the bait. If your values are compatible with fishie's, then he bites, which is what we want! Yay!

5. Consulting

Jesus is like the Ernst and Young for fishing! Not even kidding, he is like THE fish-farming-catching consultant, ask Peter. He can help you find the right fish! You just need to ask and you'll be recommending his services to everyone like I am now.  

[Remember to wait in style. I'm of the school of thought that waiting around for your life to start only when you meet a new fish is a great way to waste your life. There is just so much to do! Travel, learn skills, make friends, work on you, build an empire, eat fried insects, paint murals, visit Venice, no, you don't need a man to visit Venice! I believe you should carry on with life while conserving point one (patience) and at the right time after lessons have been learnt, character has been developed, experience has been acquired (hopefully not too painful), the right person comes along. Till then style, it is.]

In no way have I tried to represent the complex, unphathomable phenomenon called love in a simplistic way. I just believe lessons can be learnt from our environment and the complexity of existence.

Do you have any fishing tips or fishing experience you'd like to drop below? Are you surrounded by seaweed? What's your best bait technique?

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